melt

things that happen in real life affect the mind. it seems obvious but how to deal with it. looking at writer's block, it's an emotional block. the lizard and limbic squeezing the umbilical cord connection to the infinite.

i yelled at a guy a week or so ago. he was a jailbird nutcase, and angry man looking for fights, yelling at everyone. when he started yelling at me, i couldn't help myself yelling back. i was drinking in my yard and i felt threatened. i shouldn't have reacted that way but i did. and then that experience hangs with me. the thought of if he will hit me from behind when i don't expect it. that fear of the unknown. the regret, guilt. this emotional blockage that makes it hard to just go into imagination and write. so i'll write about the blockage. and maybe i should write more about my self, and my thoughts and feelings. who am i?

i find i want to get out want to say as quickly as possible. i don't linger on the moment too well. some kind of speedy adhd bi-polar thing, with a mix of schizophrenia. many connected thoughts and i focus on the train destination rather than the journey. it feels difficult and maybe it's the challenge i need. slow down again, forget about the inputs that excite. inward and slow down.

fear, guilt, regret, grief.. these emotional entities that block.

ps. i fixed two moons :-)
pps. 23 day tomorrow! twin peaks eve..